Words To Live By....

Written by a guy I went to high school with... No truer words have ever been spoken


This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl's every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they're at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don't end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn't worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you'd ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn't have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing "serious" between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: "oh, but we're just friends!" And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you're nice like that.

The nice guys don't often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don't seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can't. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as "oh, he's too nice to date" or "he would be a good boyfriend but he's not for me" or "he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn't possibly ask him out!" or the most frustrating of all: "no, it would ruin our friendship." Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can't figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I'm going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn't last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you're sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming

More Crap To Bitch About

It's been a while since my last blog. Some pretty shitty stuff has happened since the last shitty stuff that I blogged about in May. Well the problems with my ex-fiancee seem to have finally passed. She has finally gotten over herself and has come to see that I still want to be friends even after what she did to me ( I still don't know why I'm such a glutton for punishment). She tested that when I found out that she dated one of my best friends, who now I hope many many bad things happen to. I'm sorry but friends don't date friends ex girlfriends and an ex fiancee?!?!? WTF thats just fucked up.

Well I have finally cut ties with Pablo. What he did to me can not be forgivin EVER. He hurt me more than can ever be described. I mean he knew how much she meant to me, how much i love(ed) her and yet he still went after her less than 2 months after we broke up. For that Go dtachta an diabhal seisean.

I was in a hit and run car accident on 7-20 with an asshat from Woodward Plumbing. They are a shady little piss ant business that refused to work with the police or my insurance company. I was finally able to scare them into issuing a claim with their insurance company who finally contacted me a week after the accident. Well I didn't have the time or money or drive to sue them like I should have, I just settled with the insurance company. My back is injured due to these fucking bastards and I don't think I'm going to be able to get looked at due to serious financial problems that I had to take care of.

I am working a ton of hours at work but not really seeing the money from it. I mean last payperiod I worked 90 hours, 72 normal 18 OT. After taxes, medical insurance (that one one in Bakersfield takes), and being raped by Child Support I saw none of the OT hours and less than the 72 hours of normal time. My check barely covered my car payment, credit card, and engagement ring payment. /sigh

I've been thinking about moving abroad. I've been thinking bout Ireland. Other than the obvious draws to that country for me, its also about getting the fuck out of here. No one in the western US cares about me (that doesn't have to). I just think that leaving the corrupt laws and judicial system of the US would be good as well.

Well thats all for now, I'm sure I'll have more to bitch about soon. Stay tuned :P

Breaking Point

I'm think I'm finally to the breaking point. Something is telling me I need to rethink everything in my life. And by everything I mean, location, job, friends, life. I have always been the type of person to put the wants, needs, everything of everyone else in front of mine. To me everyone elses problems were always paramount to mine. I worked hard to help my friends and family in anyway I could, be it monetary or emotional or whatever. But lately all its gotten me is shit. I think I need to start living my life for me, fuck everyone else. I'm sick and tired of being every ones doormat. I drop everything I'm doing for everyone else just to help or hang out or whatever. I just don't see the point in being nice anymore.

My Messed Up Life

Well lets see. I had the most amazing 2 months of my life with the most beautiful girl I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. Then she decides to dump me a week after my birthday . Now I've been trying my fucking hardest to stay friends with her. She still has my heart and soul, and always will. I still love this girl more than I've ever loved anyone else (my son excluded). She made me extremely happy, I honestly don't think I've ever been that happy, for once in my life I never once thought about suicide, or hurting myself. But since then I've had a lot to think about. I just don't feel the drive to live anymore. I'm in constant pain. My heart doesn't even feel like its in my chest anymore, I know this may be melodramatic but its how I honestly feel. When I try and arrange time to hang out with her she blows me off for her friends and for the people I used to call my best friends (that's another thing ill get to). She stood me up the other night, she says she fell asleep but I'm not sure about that. Then she wakes up and instead of calling me calls who I used to call my best friend to go for a drive and stays out until 0300. She says shes sorry and maybe she is but I just don't see it. She says that its an act shes putting on right now for everyone that this break up has been hard on her, poor baby. I'm sorry but hard on her?!?!? WTF. She broke it off with me!!! But yet she goes out with friends every fucking night of the week and stays out till 0200-0300 knowing she needs to get up around 0645. Oh well shes a big girl but it just hurts that she can make all this time for everyone but me. Even though we broke up I was still planning on taking her to Disneyland for her birthday. Well come to find out she made plans with one of her friends (biggest flake ive heard of) to go to Disneyland the day after her bday and to play D&D with him on her birthday. I'm sorry but that's just fucked up. I guess she really doesn't want to stay friends. I don't even know why I try so hard anymore honestly.

Now on to the people I used to call friends. We used to do everything together, movies all the time, going to Disneyland, play pool, just hang out. Now I'm not invited to anything anymore yet she is. I'm stuck at home doing nothing while the people I used to call friends go out and have a great time. I don't know what the fuck happened here. Oh well if this is what my friendship meant to these people then so be it. I don't need this. I've kinda made amends with one of them but its still weird, he still seems distant. One of them I'd like to beat the shit out of. Yes I know it was "a harmless joke" but it fuckin hurt. He grabbed my exs cellphone and started texting me pretending to be her. Saying things like I want you and other things of that nature. I just think that was rude and uncalled for. My ex thought nothing of it. He thought it was funny. And I'm sure the other people there that used to be my close friends thought it was funny as well.

Now to another thing that makes me feel like giving up on life. I filed for divorce, child support modification, a child custody agreement, and a fee waiver. I was denied all these things by a judge here. All I got was a post-it note saying rejected on top of all my paperwork that took months to organize and everything. So I go back and work on it and go to a facilitator to try and help with it all. Well they were no help only made my mother feel stupid. I can't afford a lawyer. Because I live with my mother I don't qualify for free legal aid or the fee waiver. So I have to fork out $450 for the divorce and $65 for the child custody papers. And with me not working I don't see how that's going to be possible. My mother can't help me shes in a financial bind all because of me. I'm just a leech. I bring everyone down that comes into contact with me.

Well I guess that's all I can type right now without breaking down anymore.